The Netflix series “Baby Reindeer” is hugely popular – but for the wrong reason

This comment contains “spoilers” about the Netflix series “Baby Reindeer”.

One night when I opened Netflix in search of something to watch, the first thing that greeted me was a trailer for “Baby Reindeer.” Comedy and British: “Perfect”, I thought!

However, I was not saved by the first two episodes. Instead, I was really most frustrated by the awkward and sad main character “Donny”, who was unable to stand up for himself, and who was unable (or unwilling?) to set boundaries with this stalker “Martha”. So I basically gave up after two episodes.

Then articles, photos and clips from the series began to haunt me. All over the media and social media I saw pictures of the characters, and headlines like “Ask people to stop speculating” and “Fans have found the real ‘Martha'”. Then curiosity got the better of me. I had to see the rest.

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Watch video: This was not in the script

Richard Gadd, the comedian and actor who plays the main character and who created the series, has been clear that it is based on his own life. So there is a real stalker. But something that is much less talked about is that there is also a real abuser.

I skimmed a bit when I got to that episode. It took a much darker path than I had imagined. Because when a young “Donny” is apparently taken in by the warmth of a well-known TV comedy creator, it’s not abuse that you first think of. But after weeks of “grooming”, this TV personality – called “Darrien” in the series – drags “Donny” deep into the world of drugs, preying on him when he is in a state where he cannot do resistance. Often completely unconscious.

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But “Donny” keeps going back to his abuser. He continues to subject himself to abuse and emotional abuse, and as a viewer it is painful to watch.

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Not everything happened exactly as in the series, of course, but Gadd has stated that it is “one hundred percent emotionally true.” He therefore presents the story as it felt to him. Personally, I think it makes his acting a lot more impressive, as well as making it a little more painful to watch.

At the same time, it annoys me even more that it is “crazy Martha” that everyone is so concerned about?

Now Gadd wanted to make a point about “Martha” as well. In interviews, he has stated that he wanted to show stalking as it often really is. He had grown tired of the fact that stalking on TV and film was often portrayed as something sexual, but in reality it is a mental disorder.

Richard Gadd should be a role model for so many men out there.

But here, too, the fans have failed. Instead, they contacted this woman and threatened her life. At least she claims so herself.

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There are of course also several people who have tried to find out who the abuser “Darrien” is. Since “Donny” in the series never reports “Darrien”, and apparently ends up working for him in the end, this led to several in Gadd’s circle being falsely accused and framed as the abuser. This, as well as people starting to go after the real “Martha”, led Gadd and other actors on the show to come out and ask people to stop speculating.

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If we are to believe the British comedian Richard Osman, on the other hand “everyone” in the industry knows who the real “Darrien” is.

But that’s not what should have been the point or what people talk about when they talk about the series. There is something deeply more important.

In an article in Bergens Tidende, psychologist Andrine Bruland pays tribute to the series, and says it should have been part of the curriculum. “The series shatters myths about abuse,” she writes. I agree.

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The series is actually a unique opportunity to talk more about grooming, more about emotional dominance, abuse of power and not least abuse. And even more important in this context: abuse against men.

The series can simply help to provide understanding. It can also show other men who have experienced something similar that they are not alone. Richard Gadd should have been a role model for so many men out there, and at the same time praised for his openness.

But instead, people are most interested in making fun of a disturbed or sick woman in her late 50s.

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