Dad influencer: – Let the children run their noses

The short version

• Influencer and father of four Sebastian Solberg believes many parents overprotect their children and create a generation of “cotton children”.
• Solberg encourages parents to give their children responsibility and teach them to cope with adversity.
• Publisher and adventurer Erling Kagge expresses concern about the upbringing of today’s children and believes they acquire narcissistic traits through overprotection.

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He himself refers to himself as a loving but strict father.

– Far too many parents fool around with their children. We want robust children who cope with the resistance life gives us, not children who are wrapped in cotton wool, says Sebastian Solberg to VG.

On Tuesday, he posted a message to his more than 80,000 followers on Instagram.

“I think most parents overprotect their children,” he wrote, urging all parents of young children to listen to Wolfgang Wee’s podcast talk with publisher and adventurer Erling Kagge.

There, Kagge expresses his concern for the upbringing of today’s children:

“It is a social problem that children are protected too much so that they cannot withstand resistance and strain. Hence the expression cotton child”, said Kagge.

He believes that children who are not exposed to anything, who will not hear anything bad being said – either about them or others – will tolerate life less well.

Kagge is busy working on a new book and does not have time to get involved this time, he writes in an e-mail to VG.

Solberg could not agree more.

He and his girlfriend Nikoline Anundsen have four children under school age, Noelle (6), Bailey (4), Penelope (3) and Camilo (1).

At home in the villa in Ullern, everyone has to help.

– The one-year-old is currently following along the most, but the two- and four-year-old throw away rubbish and collect the mail, everyone has to cover the plate after they have eaten and scrape the remains into the rubbish bag. Every Friday they have to empty the kindergarten bag, says Solberg.

When they have emptied toys onto the living room floor and finished playing, they have to clean up themselves. The room as well.

– The point is not that it should be perfect, but that they learn that others don’t always come and fix and sort things out for them.

The fact that they have an au pair does not make it any easier to be principled, he says.

– We have told her not to clean up after the children, at least not while they are watching, says Solberg, who also works as marketing consultant, TV director and has built up a larger equity capital by moving and selling apartments.

Here the other day there was only dry groats for dinner.

– The elders wanted lasagna, but did not want to help cook dinner. Then it became gritty. They survived that just fine.

He doesn’t like children who whine to their will.

That is why he believes in being able to stand up to a “no”.

– There is no point in saying no, if you give later. Then they just learn that they get their way by complaining and screaming.

Solberg believes that many children and young people today demand too much.

– They are so concerned about their rights. On TikTok, young people complain that they have to work, 16-year-olds think NOK 200 is too poorly paid. No wonder they get such attitudes if their parents fix and arrange everything for them, says Solberg.

He himself has worked since he was 13 years old, after school and during summer holidays he washed in warehouses, worked in fast food restaurants and shops and is happy for the experience it has given him.

In the podcast, Kagge says that children can benefit from driving more buses. He himself grew up without both a car and a TV. “We kids shouldn’t be driven around”, he says and adds:

“If you don’t relate to the rest of the world, but are always protected by your parents, then you will develop narcissistic traits.”

– We have to stop feeling so sorry for the children, says Solberg, who emphasizes that he is no expert, but picks the best from his own upbringing.

His parents never argued in front of him and his sister.

– The first time I heard them arguing, I was in secondary school. Then I thought they were going to divorce. They weren’t supposed to, they just disagreed about something.

The parents are still together.

– They probably tried to protect us. I think that was doing me a disservice. Because I thought love was simple.

When Nikoline and he struggled in their relationship, which ended with them breaking up for a period, he went on a real rampage.

– I became depressed and found everything difficult. I was 30 years old and didn’t know that love also comes with lows.

Researcher Cecilie Evertsen at the University of Stavanger agrees that we should not shield children from all discomfort throughout childhood.

– I am concerned about the development of society, and the consequences it has for children and young people. But letting the kids wear the label the cotton kids is unfair.

It is complex social structures that most likely affect the individual. This means that it can be difficult to solve the challenge alone at an individual level.

She believes that we should rather focus on keeping the children safe and harmonious children.

Parents can start by logging off their mobiles and be emotionally present in interaction with their children, she says.

They must remember that they are the child’s most important role model. If parents manage their own stress, it is more likely that the child will eventually be able to do the same.

But most importantly:

– Make sure your child feels loved. It’s probably not the outpouring of love that turns children into cotton.

At home with the Solberg Anundsen family, there are no child locks on the stove or on the stairs.

– I get completely exhausted when I see parents walking around the three-year-old at Leo’s playland. The whole place is padded.

He says he is also afraid that the children will experience bad things.

– But I have to bear being afraid. We have to let the children try a little, we have to believe that they will manage. And when life goes against them, I’d rather be there with cuddles and comfort.