Late-night hosts talked about Donald Trump’s $9,000 gag order penalty, his falling asleep during the trial and Eric Trump’s day in court.
Jimmy Kimmel
As usual, Jimmy Kimmel relished all the details from Donald Trump’s hush-money trial in New York, which resumed on Tuesday. “I guess Teddy Doze-evelt is tired from all the winning, because he nodded off in court again today,” Kimmel noted on Tuesday evening.
CNN reported that Trump was “slumped back in his chair with his eyes closed”, which “is what some call sleeping”, Kimmel joked. “Why is this not on TV, by the way? I want to see the drool!
“The good news for Trump is that one of his family members finally showed up at court today,” he continued. “The bad news is it was Eric.”
Trump’s middle son attended the trial in support of his father, “which in the Trump family is as close as you get to playing catch”, Kimmel quipped. “If Eric was on trial, do you think Trump would be there in court for him? Best-case scenario, he pulls up in a limo, yells ‘witch-hunt!’ out the window and drives back home for a taco bowl.”
After days of warnings, the judge fined Trump $9,000 for repeatedly violating a gag order restricting public comments about the trial or its participants. “That should shut him up,” Kimmel deadpanned. “Trump spends $9,000 at the Wendy’s drive-through.
“Honestly, even though I’m not on Trump’s side, I don’t think it’s fair,” he added. “This trial is about the fact that he paid a woman to be quiet. Now he isn’t quiet and he needs to pay them? It makes no sense. They’re using his thinking against him. It’s like Jesus, a carpenter, whom they nailed to a cross. Think about it. Read about it in your Trump-brand Bible.”
And after much outcry from rightwing media about the trial preventing Trump from attending his son Barron’s high school graduation, the judge announced that the court proceedings will be suspended on that date. “Which is funny, because now Trump has to go to Barron’s high school graduation,” said Kimmel.
Stephen Colbert
According to numerous witnesses, Trump sat with his eyes closed for large portions of the testimony on Tuesday. “So either he’s falling asleep again or he’s doing that little kid thing where he thinks if he can’t see you no one can see him,” said Stephen Colbert on The Late Show. “It’s a real challenge for his lawyers, I’ve got to tell you – ‘I wonder where the former president is! I guess I’ll have to eat all these cookies by myself …’”
The judge fined Trump $9,000 for violating his gag order. “Nine thousand dollars may not seem like a lot to a successful business man, but what about to Trump?” The judge also warned that if Trump continued to violate the gag order, “jail may be a necessary punishment”.
“I don’t know if it’s necessary for Trump, but I need it!” Colbert exclaimed.
He then touched on the student movement protesting against Israel’s war in Gaza on college campuses, which some have called the most significant student movement since the anti-Vietnam war campus protests of the late 1960s. “Even if you don’t agree with the subject of their protests, as long as they are peaceful, students should be allowed to protest. It’s their first amendment right,” said Colbert, referring to brutal crackdowns from armed police. “That is the kind of idealism you learn in college. It’s one of the few college lessons you can use your whole life, unlike beer funneling, which you stop being able to do around 35 when your wife catches you.”
Seth Meyers
After Kristi Noem revealed in her new book that she killed her puppy for being excited about chickens, a Trump source said it was now impossible for her to be selected as his running mate. “After all, you can’t have her standing right next to an Old Yeller,” joked Seth Meyers on Late Night.
A judge may have allowed Trump to attend his son Barron’s high school graduation, “but he drew the line at telling him the name of the high school”, Meyers quipped.
The Biden administration announced a plan that would require all new cars to be equipped with a system that would prevent collisions with pedestrians. “Which would explain why Elon Musk supports Trump,” Meyers said of the Tesla owner.
And Tuesday was National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day, but “not for you!!!” Meyers shouted over a photo of Noem.
